Funny Dad Jokes, Riddles and One-Liners!
My dog keeps chasing people on a scooter.
Why don’t you put him on a leash?
I’m not sure that will work. So, I guess I’ll just take his scooter away.
Why do writers constantly feel cold?
Because they’re always working with a draft.
I just discovered my new super hero power — I can see through walls.
Wait, never mind, it was just a window.
Why did the cucumber call an attorney?
It was in a pickle.
When can an elephant hold an umbrella and not get wet?
When it’s not raining.
How do you know if a boot is a vampire?
Check to see if it has a sole.
Why are fish good lawyers?
They like to de-bait.
Why does a spider spin her webs?
Because she can’t knit!
Why did the gum cross the road?
Because it was stuck to the chicken’s foot!
Which kind of keys never unlock doors?
Monkeys, turkeys, and donkeys.
What gives you the power and strength to walk through walls?
What has two heads, four ears, two pairs of eyes, six legs, and a tail?
A cowboy riding on a horse.
Why can’t you hear T-rex’s talk?
Because T-rex’s are extinct.
What do you get when you cross a cell phone and a canine?
A golden receiver.
What do astronauts read while orbiting earth?
What planet do we see most often?
Earth, all other planets are only seen at night!
Why did the banker leave his job?
He lost interest.
Why don’t horses make very good ballroom dancers?
They wear metal shoes and they’ve got two left feet.
John recently bought a horse from his local blacksmith.
When he got home it made a bolt for the door.
One day I was laying on the floor admiring my ceiling.
It’s not the best ceiling in the world, but it’s definitely up there.
My brother David lost his ID.
Now we just call him Dav.
What do you call a cross between a white chicken and an elephant?
I don’t know, but I’m sure it never forgets to look both ways before crossing the road.
What kind of fish loves the night life?
What is a golfer’s favorite shirt?
A Tee shirt!
Have you heard why elevator jokes are so great?
They work on many levels.
Ever wonder how a chicken bakes a cake?
Why doesn’t lightning ever strike the same place twice?
A place is never the same after being struck by lightning!
What kind of plates do they use on Jupiter?
Where do worms go on vacation?
The Garden State.
Did you know it only takes a phew skunks to stink up the neighborhood?
What starts with an E, ends with an E, and only has one letter?
Where do all of the uppercase letters like to visit?
Why do hummingbirds fly south for the winter?
Because they don’t know how to drive.
Did you know it’s impossible for an elephant’s trunk to be 12 inches long?
If it could then it would be just a foot.
I once got a pair of arch support insoles for my birthday. I wasn’t sure they’d work out.
But I now stand corrected.
What type of building has many stories?
Knock Knock Jokes
No, I’m asking you!
Alex plain later!
Paul up a seat and let’s talk some business!
How many Bigfoots do you know?